Mudblood
by scribbler567
Summary: A short story...my first Harry Potter fanfic! Snape is forced to provide comfort to a student when she is called a name only he understands the power of. Please read and review!


Relieved to have dismissed his fourth year potions class, Professor Snape leaned back in his desk and pulled out a very beaten journal he had held in his possession for years. Opening it to a bookmarked page he sighed and allowed his pen to graze over what he had already written. Normally he wouldn't have paid a hint of attention to the students leaving his room, but the harsh voice of Draco Malfoy could be heard above all other mumbling children and he groaned. Severus Snape reluctantly tore his eyes away from the paper and saw the pale boy making his way to one of the most irritating of the Gryffindors that year, Hermione Granger.

Hermione was a constant bother to him, and he was sure many other teachers at Hogwarts. Despite her non magical background she seemed to know everything there was to know and wasn't afraid to let her peers see. She wasn't a rude child, but stubborn and much of a perfectionist who had redone assignments for him when she didn't receive the highest possible grade. Her O.W.L scores were some of the best the school had seen however, which made teachers like Severus, look better. That was about the best he could say of her.

Draco Malfoy, although part of his house, was probably the student Severus hated most (besides Potter of course). Malfoy walked around the school as if he were popular and picked on the Gryffindor House every chance he got. He didn't receive good scores on anything. If it hadn't been for his father's large contributions to Hogwarts Snape wouldn't ever pretend to like him.

"You know Granger," he said, his two friends following close behind. By now just the four of them were left in the room. "I've been watching you for four years and I think that as a _mudblood_ you should learn to keep your useless trivial facts to yourself. Unless you would like to be with wizards such as myself who hold a much more esteemed position then Potter and Weasley… "

Snape sucked in his breath at the choice of language Malfoy was using towards the young girl and had grimaced when he had dragged out the word, mudblood. Hearing her being called that wretched name hit a part of Severus he had for so long kept covered up and watching such a familiar event unfold he couldn't help but pity the girl who caused him nothing but irritation.

Envisioning himself instead of Malfoy, and Lily instead of Hermione practically brought him to tears, a feeling nobody would see in someone such as Professor Snape.

He went to open his mouth, but watched as Hermione Granger, the quintessential example of a school girl grabbed the boiling cauldron off of her desk and threw it full force at Draco. The hot liquid rushed over the boy as the pieces of the bucket shattered on the ground. "Draco…Malfoy…I hate you," she hissed. She stopped for a moment, tears streaming down her face and fled the classroom, covering her face with her hands.

At that moment Severus stood up and shouted, "Ten points from Slytherin Mr. Malfoy."

The pale boy went silent and stood, mouth gaping at the Potions Master. "Professor Snape, she threw that cauldron at me!"

"Silence," Snape bellowed, drawing his robe around him and staring at the mess spilled on the floor. "You will stay here and clean this up without magic until I see it fit."

"But Sir," he argued.

"That's enough out of you. I will not have the use of foul language in my classroom. Now, get to work." Snape collapsed back into his desk, excusing the two odd friends of Draco, and opened his journal back up. "And Mr. Malfoy, do feel grateful there was nothing harmful in that cauldron," he added, not changing his monotone voice.

The boy didn't argue back, much to his content, but Professor Snape found it hard to concentrate on his work even in the silence. He wondered where Granger was, not because he cared for her in any way, but because he had always wondered where Lily had went when he had called her the same thing. It was one of the most hurtful terms, and he knew for someone as smart as Hermione it was even worse.

After several attempts at continuing to make notes in his book, Snape slammed it shut and sighed as he stood in his chair, rising far above the kneeling Malfoy. "You are excused Mr. Malfoy."

Draco stood and with a glare at his Potions Master strutted confidently out of the room, as if he hadn't just been punished.

The room was finally empty and Snape picked up his wand and making his way to the pieces on the floor. He pointed it at the floor and muttered, "Reparo." The black pieces floated back together and once more the repaired cauldron sat upon the desk. Much to his satisfaction Draco had already cleaned up the spilled liquid.

Snape made his way out of the classroom and was about to enter his private chambers when he heard a familiar voice behind him. "Severus, do not dare go through that door."

The woman's sharp voice was enough for even the hard skinned professor to abide by and he reluctantly returned around. He wanted nothing more then to be alone, taken by the day's events. "Yes Minerva," he sighed.

"I think that we need to discuss today's events with Hermione Granger and that Draco Malfoy." She narrowed her eyes at him, as if she were his mother.

Snape rolled his eyes and shifted his weight quickly. "Professor McGonagall I do not wish to go any further into this situation. I punished the boy and took no points for Miss Granger's irrational behavior," he stated flatly, not raising an eye. "Now if you'll excuse me, I wish to retire."

Minerva raised her wand and held it towards Snape who leaned against the door of his room, careful not to groan in annoyance. "I suppose this conversation just can't be over can it," he asked sarcastically.

"Don't use that tone of voice," she replied bitterly. "Now it seems we have a serious issue on our hands. I cannot find Hermione anywhere and as the head of her house I should know where she is at all times, shouldn't I?" The usually calm witch's voice was breaking a bit as she rattled off. "Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley haven't even heard from her. I was trying not to bring this to Dumbledore's attention, but I'm afraid I will have to."

Snape stared at her for a moment, wondering what had rattled her so badly that her usual coldness was melting in front of him. "Professor McGonagall, why in the lord's name have you come to me to sort out this problem?"

"For god's sakes Severus, it happened in your classroom," she shouted. "And surely you must have seen which way she went."

He thought for a moment, but realized he had been too busy with Malfoy to pay attention to where she had run off to. "I have no idea."

"Oh god," she moaned, finally letting her wand drop. "Severus, you know I rarely ask for help, but…just this once will you help me look for her? I'm terribly worried."

Snape saw, even through the darkness of the corridor her eyes were glimmering with tears and overtaken at her display of emotion he cleared his throat, hoping she didn't see he was particularly touched. "Let me put on my coat," he answered flatly.

The Potions Master watched as a small smile tugged at her lips and he slipped into his chambers. On a hanger by his door hung the winter coat her only wore when he attended Quidditch matches or was to go outside for some reason or another. He brushed his hair from his neck and reopened the door to see Minerva had composed herself back to the woman he knew. "Let's go."

She led him through the halls of Hogwarts and out through the back entrance of the school only the staff knew about. Together they scanned the fields, only to find no sight of Hermione Granger anywhere.

"Where could she have gone," McGonagall asked, adjusting her scarf as if to stay calm.

Snape rolled his eyes. "She couldn't have gone too far."

"I know, but Harry Potter hasn't seen her and she doesn't seem to be anywhere outside."

He sniffed at the mention of Potter. "Just because Mr. Potter seems to be the most important person at the school doesn't mean he knows everything."

"Come now, I only mentioned him because he and Miss Granger seem to be very good friends," Minerva assured him, patting her hand on his which he kept down by his side.

Snape nodded. "Someone as smart as Granger shouldn't be messing around with the likes of a Potter," he grumbled under his breath.

"What was that," she asked. He waved her off as they approached the front gates of Hogwarts.

Within the snow both immediately spotted a small figure, waving her wand frantically at the boats which led students from the train station to the school. She had just a suitcase with her and was fully bundled in a coat and hat. Snape stared at her for a moment as Minerva ran towards her. Her dark brown hair curled just as….just as Lily's had. Of course Lily had red hair, but Hermione's reminded him so much of hers.

"Oh Miss Granger," he heard the old woman exclaim as she took the student into a hug, something out of character for the professor. "What are you doing out here?"

A wind blew threw the air so Severus could not hear the girl's response. In fact, he stood so far from them that the only thing he could hear now was the few words Minerva was shouting. The words weren't enough to know what was going on.

The Potions Master felt completely out of place standing near an emotional event. He was champion in all fields of magic, he had even made his own spells and potions, but the concept of emotions was something he hadn't ever been able to open himself to. Part of it was his upbringing. But the small part of affection he did know he had shut down after Lily's death. He feared the high amount of emotion being in love brought and he had decided never to feel that type of pain again. Every day he awoke to the feeling of holding his dead love's body in his arms, tears streaming down his face into her red hair. The smell of her sometimes still came to him and when he closed his eyes the only thing he ever saw was her cold, lifeless face. He had never cried since that day.

Wrapped up in his own bitter memories Severus didn't notice Minerva standing in front of him until she smacked him with her hat. Looking down to the angered, yet hurt witch he straightened his posture. "Severus, she insists on leaving. I don't know what to do."

He tightened his lips and watched as the unsuccessful girl dropped into the snow below her, sinking into the wet substance. "Why does she want to leave?"

"She says nobody understands what being called a, you know what, can do after years of hearing it. She wants to go back to the Muggle world."

Snape groaned. "Shall we inform Dumbledore then?"

"She'll have harmed herself by then," Minerva began slowly, but then she spoke up a bit louder. "I think right now she needs someone who will understand the power of that word….Severus, she needs you."

Snape stopped breathing for a moment. He was known as the strict, cold, heartless Potions Master and he wasn't about to let some insulted little girl stop his reputation, or worse, make him relive the worst parts of his past. "That is inappropriate Professor McGonagall; I do not wish to be any part of this student's life."

He turned and began towards Hogwarts, his black hair blowing into his face when Minerva shouted after him. "What if she was Lily?" '

Once more Severus paused and turned towards his colleague. "Do not bring Lily into this," he growled, threatening her with his stare. He was up against a woman who wasn't afraid of anyone, not even him.

"Think Severus, what if you could have gone to her and helped her, what would have happened then?"

More then angered he pulled out his wand without a thought and watched as Minerva widened her eyes and took a step back. She hadn't ever looked more frightened. His hand was steady and he knew his stone black eyes were piercing, but he didn't waver. McGonagall needed to know where he drew the line. "Professor Snape," a small voice shouted. "Please Sir, she's trying to help."

Hermione, red eyed, and barely able to walk through the snow was coming towards them. "I know Miss Granger, but this old witch needs to know how what she said is not appropriate."

"Sir?"

"Get out of this Granger," he snapped. Minerva walked towards him and lowered his arm. And the threatening Snape gave in.

"Severus, I'm sorry to have brought up such an emotional topic," she whispered. "But you have to help her, you're the only one who can."

Severus breathed deeply and turned his attention back to the student who still appeared to be crying. "Fine," he hissed replacing his wand into his pocket. "I'll talk to her, but not now."

"Oh thank heavens," McGonagall sighed.

She said something after, but Snape didn't hear. He had already begun walking back to the school. It had been much too trying of a day for his own good.

The next morning was Tuesday and Severus half wanted to tell Dumbledore he was too sick to teach. He didn't want to face Hermione Granger or Minerva McGonagall and be forced to talk about perfectly private memories he had been for so long wanting to forget. However he rose and put on his robe, but skipped breakfast in the Great Hall.

Instead Snape snuck to where Dumbledore had secretly moved the Mirror of Erised three years earlier. Often he had found the mirror to be another silly object of Albus Dumbledore, but what he had seen when he finally looked into it changed his opinion entirely.

The mirror was now in the unknown dungeons of Hogwarts which only Albus, Minerva, and himself knew about. It was one of the biggest secrets for many thought the alleged mirror had been destroyed. Snape flew down the stairs, eager to reach it before he had to return to teach a class of noisy second years things they certainly didn't appreciate to be learning.

It stood leaning against a beaten wall and closing his eyes Severus stood before it. As he opened his tired eyes he saw the figure of the woman he had always loved, Lily Evans. She smiled at him and he felt his lips tremble. His eyes were glued to her green ones, shinning back at him. Even though the mirror didn't speak, he could still hear her voice, "Hello Severus," she whispered. He shut is eyes once more, her voice like a blanket of warmth.

"I…I love you Lily," he whispered in the most vulnerable voice he had heard from himself. "I need you now." He sighed and looked back into the mirror. She was still smiling. "I," he once more bit off his words, swallowing hard. "I have to talk about that time, all those years ago, when I called you that wretched name. A student has been called that too, and Professor McGonagall insists I talk to her because well, I saw the way it hurt you. It hurt me too. I never meant it…"

The Potion Master's hands were trembling and he reached one of his hands out towards her figure and found he could reach in the mirror. Sucking in his breath he touched her cheek and choked back a sob, something he hadn't done since that unforgettable night. "Oh Severus," she breathed.

Severus pulled back, had, had Lily just talked to him? The Mirror of Erised wasn't known to make your dreams talk to you. "Lily?"

"Yes, it's me Severus."

"How are you, how are you talking," he stuttered, brushing hair from his eyes.

"Dumbledore knows more then an old man who acts like he does appears to. He knew you were coming, and made this possible."

"What spell did he use?"

She tucked a strand of her curls behind her ear and Snape nearly fainted, not having being able to see her move except for in his dreams. "I can't tell you that Severus."

He nodded, not wanting to waste a moment of what he had. "Did you hear what I said about having to talk to that student?"

"Yes, I did," she began. "And tell her. Tell her the story." Her eyes sparkled and he bit his lip.

"I can't Lily, I can't tell her everything. Nobody, nobody can know about me, my past… If anyone finds out anything…"

"Well, then think of something you can say." She was frowning which broke his heart even more then it was.

"Oh Lily, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have let you go, I love you still so much," Severus reached out again, but found it just hit the glass. No longer could he touch her, feel the softness of her skin. "No," he shouted. "No, Lily, please! Can you hear me still?"

Once more her figure stood before him, but now she was just smiling as if nothing were wrong. It was all over. It had only lasted a moment. She didn't even hear him say that he loved her still.

Slowly he backed away from the mirror, wondering if she had really talked to him or if it had been a figment of his imagination. Snape finally straightened himself and went back up the stairs once more to start teaching his first class.

He knew his students noticed he was in a worse mood then usual for he had given each of his classes a pop quiz on things they hadn't yet learned. Life isn't fair, he told himself, I've sure learned it and so should they. Each of them gave him a look that showed pure hatred, but Severus didn't care anymore, he hadn't really ever, but he felt as if he'd lost Lily all over again.

By the time his last class of the day, fourth year, came he was exhausted and ready to throw in the towel, but Hermione was in that class. The students filed in and along with them came a stone faced, red eyed Granger. He was about ready to throw them a quiz, but she looked so much like Lily when she cried something inside of him kept himself from torturing the class as he had the others.

Instead of a heavy lecture Severus simply showed them a slide show and gave them notes to take down. He couldn't help but keep a careful eye on Hermione who didn't raise her hand once in class and seemed to be hiding from Malfoy behind her frizzy hair.

Surprisingly concerned for the young girl Snape dismissed the class early, but as Hermione began out the door he called for her, "Miss Granger," he said flatly.

Clutching her books to her chest, Hermione turned to face him. Her cheeks flushed and he was sure she was embarrassed by how he had seen her just the day before. "Y, yes Professor Snape?"

Not sure if what he was going to ask was appropriate for a teacher to a student he tried to hide his uneasiness, "Would you join me for a drink in the kitchen?"

"Excuse me," she asked raising her eyebrows.

"Professor McGonagall believes there is something I should discuss with you and I do think it would only be proper if I offered you a drink." He stood from his desk, realizing how he really had no emotion in his voice and towered above her with his robe wrapped around his tall body. "Unless you have other engagements?"

Hermione shook her head. "No, no Sir, I don't."

"Very well then, follow me." Severus came down from his desk and brushed past the young girl, leading her to the kitchen.

He sat down at a large counter which stretched the length of the entire kitchen. House elves were busy preparing food, but were so far at the other end of the room they didn't even notice the two figures sit down. "Now, would you like something to drink," Snape asked not sure what else to say.

Hermione shook her head and glanced down nervously at her books. "No, I'm alright, thank you Professor."

"Well, uh, neither do I." Severus rubbed his hands against his robes and broke the silence. "I overheard what Mr. Malfoy said to you yesterday," he began. "And I found it entirely uncalled for."

She looked down and he watched to see she was holding emotion back. He knew he was the last person she probably wanted to talk to and he couldn't say he blamed her. "Sir, I'd rather not discuss this," she whispered.

"Miss Granger, I,"

Hermione stood from across the counter. "Please Professor, I don't understand why you brought me here."

Her eyes met his and Snape tried not to show that the swell of emotions deep within in them were actually taking an effect on his composure. They're too much like her, he thought. "Professor McGonagall asked me to talk to you because I know what you're going through," he said, raising his voice to take any emotion from it, but make it clear to her he was on business.

She stopped suddenly. "You what?"

"Well, I'm half blood, but I had," Severus watched as she took a seat, folding her hands on the books before her. "I had an acquaintance that I was rather close with that was not of magical blood. But like you, she was very intelligent nonetheless. We were good friends to say the least. One day I was so angered I called her a, you know what, and that terminated our friendship." Snape paused and saw Hermione was covering her mouth with her hand, tears in her eyes. "I know what that does to a person, so I suppose I said this so you know, you're not," He knew he had to say it. "You're not alone."

His voice hadn't shown emotion, he had barely blinked at what he was saying, trying to shake the scenes from his mind. Nevertheless the young girl jumped out of her seat and threw her arms around him as if he had been a friendly person towards her.

The Potions Master froze. The way she was acting was inappropriate for a student to be doing with her teacher, but Severus knew that she must have felt as if nobody understood the pain that one word could bring. Her arms were small compared to his body and he patted her back clumsily. Her head rested on his shoulder and Severus had never had anyone cling to him before. Loving the feeling, even if it was from a young teenager, he hugged her back, resting his head on hers as if he were her father. She felt like her, smelled like her, and her personality was so much of her. It was like Lily had sent this child to him herself.

Hermione squeezed him, something nobody had ever done, and then pulled away, tears spilling down her cheeks, having left a wet spot on his coat. Severus let a piece of his hair fall in eyes, gazing intently at the girl who didn't seem to fear her evil potions teacher. "Oh Professor," she said backing away. "I…thank you."

He felt himself smile slightly. "Of course Miss Granger."

Without another word she grabbed her books and fled the kitchen. As she was about to go out the door she turned back towards him and gave him a warming smile in return. That was the last he saw of her that day.

Severus didn't move, but instead placed a hand on the place where she had cried. The unmovable Snape was torn apart by a young girl who he thought he despised. What would Dumbledore say if he heard the way she had clung to him…and the way he had embraced it? Surely there was a chance of him losing his position.

Slowly he rose from his place, but didn't adjust his robes around him as he left the kitchen. He wanted to see the place where someone had cried to _him_, taken comfort in _him._ It was insane, he knew it, but something about the feeling was so right.

As he made his way back to his room he knew Minerva had been right. If it had been Lily he would have surely acted the way he had to Hermione Granger. He had wished Miss Granger had been Lily. His Lily. His love.

But that was all over and as Severus was about to close the door to his chambers he stopped and decided to check on Lily once more. A deep hope was within him that he might just be able to talk to her one more time.


End file.
